When the two-star comes to town

Last week the boss of ALL things Army public affairs came to town... He was awesome. He engages everyone, even random people on the street, which as those of us in New York would know is a hard feat. Everyone here pretty much acts like no one else in the city exists when walking around. I always try and make eye contact, and people are REALLY freaked out.

Okay so anyway the two-star came to town, and it was my job to drive. O NO!!! If anyone has either driven with me or heard about my driving you know what I am talking about. Maybe this wasn't the best job for me.. haha. We did numerous practice runs of the routes,and scenarios that may occur during his time here. Basically we wanted everything perfect, which you would too if your boss came to town, and was a two-star general. So for the first two minutes of his trip it went well. Then it went slightly downhill for a bit...

See apparently at the airport there is a special exit just for taxi cabs. It is two lanes of nothing but taxis, blocked in by a semi-large median. So once you go in the taxi lane, you are not getting out. So safe to say we ended up in said line. Outside I was calm, cool, and tried to act as if this was the only way to get out. I mean this was practiced. Inside.... I was freaking out. The little voice inside my head was saying, "O my gosh I am dead. My career is over because I can't drive." Maybe I was exagerrating a little. Or maybe not. He could read this and change his mind. He may say, "Wait a minute. That driving WAS terrible. She is done" Let's just hope not.

We were in the taxi lane. No way out. Trapped like ummm... a Chevy Venture in an airport taxi lane. All of a sudden I hear the sliding door where the Gen. was sitting behind me open. The two-star gets out and calmly walks over to the taxi next us, taps on his window and asks him to move back a little so we can get out. WHAT?!?! I could not believe this was happening. Taxi drivers in NYC won't even talk to you most of the time if you are IN the cab. A two-star general is now outside directing traffic...for me. Ha! This is not happening. Then he just calmly tells me to simply drive over the median. WHAT?!?!? Now this is really not happening. This is dangerous. I just know that I am going to get stuck in the middle. How am I going to explain this to the tow truck? But I certainly am not telling a two-star no. So just like it was part of the plan I do so, checking for traffic of course. I think I did close my eyes for a moment though... don't tell. Wow. And just like that things were back to normal. He got in and we were on our way. Ten seconds later I did find myself turning head-on into a city bus... but that's another story.

The rest of trip went well. He got to his destinations safely, and only told me "safety first" a couple of times. I needed it though. I started thinking like a cabbie for a while. Hunched over the steering wheel, silently cursing people cutting me off, calling them "weiners" and other non-curse words.

When we dropped the Gen. and his aid off at the airport, I felt accomplished. We were alive, and had survived the mean streets of Manhattan traffic. the Gen. gave me his coin and said it was for "dangerous and reckless" driving. I was the DA intern that was now cabbie trained. I just know now why I take the subway all the time...