MoMa

What do you call free art that is better than art you had to pay a ton to see? I call it AWESOME! We went to MoMa Friday, and thanks to Target (my favorite) we got in for free. That's right. Every Friday from 4 to 8, Target stores give free MoMa visits to all!!!! Just show up, and you get in for free. What can you get for free anymore? Sugar packets? A hug from that creepy co-worker? The Staten Island Ferry? Well you get my point... not a lot.

A few weeks back, I told you I went to the Guggenheim, and it was not what I would have expected... We won't revisit in great detail. MoMa was exactly what I expected. Real art by REAL artists that I understood. Masterpieces that I had heard and seen in media and history books, but never seen in real life. Some of my favorites were Gustav Klimt, Andy Warhol, and even a couple by Picasso. Yes, our friend Picasso did have some "issues", and some of his stuff I don't like, but I did enjoy his piece "girl before a mirror" and the one of some weird looking people fishing.

They had a special exhibit of Martin Kippenberger, which was extremely interesting. This German artist used a wide range of symbolism in his works. In fact, you can't possibly fully enjoy his works without the commentary. Just knowing what you're looking at, and why, makes the art so much more meaningful. He painted a car and a "healing" box with brown paint and oatmeal. Weird, I know, but once you heard why he did it, it was beautiful. In another piece he made a life size sculpture of himself standing in the corner out of various materials to show his faults as a human being. For example, one was made of resin and cigarettes, because he smoked. He also had quite the obsession with frogs and eggs... but I'll let you figure that one out.

Although there are still some of the "artsy" disasters that make me crazy, they are far and few between. No needles in faces... no neon rooms with buzzing noises (Dream House!!!). I will bring my guests here... mostly on Fridays.

House guests and circus elephants

Helllloooooo! I took a bit of a hiatus this past week, but because of good reason. My sister came to town! And the circus! Woo! No seriously, they walked the elephants through the Lincoln tunnel at 1230 AM because they can't bring them in on trains or semis. Isn't that crazy!?! I didn't go because my bed was super comfy that night but I heard it's amazing, and if you aren't lazy like moi, you should go next year. When are you going to get to see an elephant walking down 2nd Ave like it's a normal thing? Never. It's a good thing they bring the alligators in on trucks now instead of the East River... people were getting pissed when fluffy went missing. Yikes!

Okay and my sister came to town!?! Woo! With her she brought her two wonderful friends Heather and Kayla. After I walked their little hineys off all over Manhattan, these girls hated me! If people wonder why I don't weigh 300 lbs eating all the crap I do it is because of the extreme walk-a-thons I do on a daily basis. Walking 10 blocks is normal for me, but these girls drive a block to Wendy's in Columbus... ha! God love'em. I introduced them to dollar beers at Turtle Bay, my pizza man/Manhattan dad Tommy and public transportation. What I should not have introduced them to was burlesque, Buttercup cupcakes and Brooklyn.

BURLESQUE: This was hilarious! My little sister should have a halo I swear. One for dealing with me, and two becasue she really is a naive little angel. We went to the Slipper Room Thursday night, and not only were we the only straight, out of town, twenty-somethings, but we were even picked out as such by the Emcee of the show. My sister and posse believed that this show was going to be something like Dita Von Teese like they had seen on America's Top Model, but it ended up being more like a satire of the show they thought they were going to see. Way more skin, and at one point, a girl came out in a dinosaur costume and started stripping to "Godzilla". I am not kidding. NOTE: Grandma, when you read this, take a couple deep breaths before you call and kill me. I had NO IDEA this was the show we were going to. Overall the night ended up laughable, and we all got a laugh at the show, and Emily as she covered her eyes, and acted appauled at just about everything. It was great.

BUTTERCUP: These things are DELICIOUS! My house guests soon realized how great they were too. I got some for Emily's birthday, and on Saturday before they left the girl's went and got some to take home.... or eat at 10 pm after drinking all day... yuck. Let's just say making a habit out of eating these candy-colored cupcakey delicious bites is NOT a good idea...

BROOKLYN: What was supposed to be a classy evening in Little Italy, eating Italian cuisine and wearing our Sunday best, ended up being a 6pm drunk-fest in Brooklyn. Now wait... before you think I'm a horrible person, I would like to clarify... We started out just having a beer at the Surf Bar in Brooklyn. It was a calm afternoon. Actually I think everyone was annoyed because everywhere we went beers were $5 to $6, the Brooklyn brewery was so packed we couldn't get in the tour, and the girls just wanted to get home to Columbus where they didn't have to take subways or sleep in my cramped apartment. I understood, believe me. But then we found it. On our way back to the subway, we found the Irish Rose Pub. We went in to have a drink, and develop a game plan for the night. We ended up meeting a Brooklyn Tunnels' and Bridges' officer and his friends who introduced us to the biggest beers for $3 served by the most adorable old-man bartender named Freddie. That is how we ended up eating Mexican food instead of Italian, and in Brooklyn instead of Little Italy. O and, by the way, sleeping like babies at 930 instead of out til the dawn on their last night in NYC. Your welcome girls... lol.

I love house guests... They never know what to expect next... I can't wait til my parents and Grandma come to visit!

When the two-star comes to town

Last week the boss of ALL things Army public affairs came to town... He was awesome. He engages everyone, even random people on the street, which as those of us in New York would know is a hard feat. Everyone here pretty much acts like no one else in the city exists when walking around. I always try and make eye contact, and people are REALLY freaked out.

Okay so anyway the two-star came to town, and it was my job to drive. O NO!!! If anyone has either driven with me or heard about my driving you know what I am talking about. Maybe this wasn't the best job for me.. haha. We did numerous practice runs of the routes,and scenarios that may occur during his time here. Basically we wanted everything perfect, which you would too if your boss came to town, and was a two-star general. So for the first two minutes of his trip it went well. Then it went slightly downhill for a bit...

See apparently at the airport there is a special exit just for taxi cabs. It is two lanes of nothing but taxis, blocked in by a semi-large median. So once you go in the taxi lane, you are not getting out. So safe to say we ended up in said line. Outside I was calm, cool, and tried to act as if this was the only way to get out. I mean this was practiced. Inside.... I was freaking out. The little voice inside my head was saying, "O my gosh I am dead. My career is over because I can't drive." Maybe I was exagerrating a little. Or maybe not. He could read this and change his mind. He may say, "Wait a minute. That driving WAS terrible. She is done" Let's just hope not.

We were in the taxi lane. No way out. Trapped like ummm... a Chevy Venture in an airport taxi lane. All of a sudden I hear the sliding door where the Gen. was sitting behind me open. The two-star gets out and calmly walks over to the taxi next us, taps on his window and asks him to move back a little so we can get out. WHAT?!?! I could not believe this was happening. Taxi drivers in NYC won't even talk to you most of the time if you are IN the cab. A two-star general is now outside directing traffic...for me. Ha! This is not happening. Then he just calmly tells me to simply drive over the median. WHAT?!?!? Now this is really not happening. This is dangerous. I just know that I am going to get stuck in the middle. How am I going to explain this to the tow truck? But I certainly am not telling a two-star no. So just like it was part of the plan I do so, checking for traffic of course. I think I did close my eyes for a moment though... don't tell. Wow. And just like that things were back to normal. He got in and we were on our way. Ten seconds later I did find myself turning head-on into a city bus... but that's another story.

The rest of trip went well. He got to his destinations safely, and only told me "safety first" a couple of times. I needed it though. I started thinking like a cabbie for a while. Hunched over the steering wheel, silently cursing people cutting me off, calling them "weiners" and other non-curse words.

When we dropped the Gen. and his aid off at the airport, I felt accomplished. We were alive, and had survived the mean streets of Manhattan traffic. the Gen. gave me his coin and said it was for "dangerous and reckless" driving. I was the DA intern that was now cabbie trained. I just know now why I take the subway all the time...

Smack talking Hoboken

I am not Irish, but I do love wearing green. Like most holiday festivities this year, I will be missing St. Patty's Day because of drill. Yes, I am going to the parade Tuesday, but I will be missing all of the green beer drinking fun to be had Saturday. So, this past weekend I went to a friend's house in Hoboken, NJ for their extremely HUGE and festive St. Patty's Day parade and party. Did I see the parade? No. Wait, a little bit. I ran in front of it to cross the street.

I may not have fully partaken in the parade piece, but I did fully participate in the drunken-New-Jersey-spiky-haired Delta Bravo parade that was going on all around me. It was kind of like the unofficial NJ parade route. Has anyone seen "Growing Up Gotti", a 2004ish reality show featuring New York's Gotti family? Umm ya. Kind of like that. Spiky hair, fake tans, t-shirts two sizes too small and of course a lot of "Hey baby"s. Annoying.

Also along the NJ parade route were many houses that looked just like college houses packed with people. It was amazing! People on porches, people on top of roofs and porches and balconies, people making balconies out of things that weren't supposed to be balconies. In Ang's backyard her neighbors were all piling onto a fire escape, and we were screaming because the more they moved and added party goers to the mix, the lower and more slanted the escape leaned. It could have been bad.

Other highlights of the "parade" were a man in a green suit zipped all the way over his head taking pictures with onlookers, drunk girls in booty shorts getting sick between houses, a drunk guy eating a sandwich on the curb and a statue of the virgin mary. I am not kidding. It was an interesting day.

I don't want to smack talk Hoboken, even though I just did. It is a cute place, and it can be a lot of fun. Like I said, I have a friend that lives there, so I visit often. It just never ceases to amaze me how "New Jersey" that place can get though. Especially after dark. And if you don't know what "New Jersey" is, go to Hoboken. But be sure to bring your band-aids because if someone accidentally bumps you with their spiky-doo, you may get hurt. Those things are SHARP!!!

Bronze sculptures of my little friends

Aww how cute! I really enjoy getting off the subway at 14th St. As you walk through the station, you can see bronze statues of little guys with money bags, pennies etc peeking up at you through the station's surroundings.


After further investigation, I have discovered that these statues are by American artist Tom Otterness as a part of his "Life Underground" exhibit. What I love so much about these is that they blend into the scenery of the station, and if you didn't look for them, you might not even see them. For example, there is one statue of a little guy sitting on a bench. Well I definitely didn't see him, but a guy was sitting next to him on the bench, and it was really funny. They just look so natural in that setting.



I also like the little animals that are part of "Life Underground". There are giraffes and snakes and an alligator. Aww. Otterness also has other bronze art around the city in Battery Park and Brooklyn and a few other places.

However, like everything else, don't think that these aren't somewhat politically motivated. Otterness loves to poke fun of officials and society alike. But that's okay with me... these little guys are great to look at while waiting for the train!


Don't they just bring a smile to your face?

Girl scout cookies and karaoke...

I know you are probably thinking that Girl Scout cookies and karaoke could never relate.. WRONG! Here's how... When I was a young(er) lass I was a Girl Scout. Few things mean more to a Jr. Girl Scout than getting patches and selling cookies. Yes, my poor family. Mom, Dad, Grandma and Papa all did their duties as assistant Cookie salesmen, and hawked cookies at the office. But who really needs to "sell" cookies? They sell themselves. They are, dare I say, delicious! I guess you could say my fourth grade year was a lot like "Troop Beverly Hills" except we didn't stay in hotels, and we were in Columbus, Ohio NOT 90210. So my little friends and I came up with a truly ingenious way to sell cookies. We took our troop to Cub Foods in Dublin, and sat atop mountains of dog food in the lobby and sang our little hearts out about girl scout cookies and how frickin' delicious they were. Yes, we were 4 ft entrepreneurs. How could you pass up little girls with voices like angels, and boxes of cookie goodness? You can't. "Thin Mints are great, thin mints are fine..." I don't know what really rhymed with Samoas though... And that my friends is how we won the cookie competition for our troop.

O wait karaoke... So many years later, when I discovered the vodka soda, I am reminded of my days as a girl scout. See, for some reason I still think I'm that little girl sitting on piles of dog food in a supermarket lobby. I still that my voice sounds like an angel, but ummmm it's really too bad that it doesn't. It's more like a bad Cindy Lauper video that never stops.

Well it is that time of year. Girl Scouts don't come door to door in NYC, and no one in my office has little girl scouts at home to sell me delicious cookies. So alas, I will have to hope that a troop of young entrepreneurial Girl Scouts ends up in my supermarket, or it will be no Samoas and Thin Mints for me :(