Mouse rant

I have mice. eww. I know what you are probably saying. "You are a dirty person", "You need to stop eating in your house", "Better set traps" ya ya. I've heard it all. I am from Ohio, as you all know, and although there are fields there, and there are mice, MICE DO NOT LIVE IN PEOPLE'S HOMES. It's not normal. HERE, however, mice do co-habitate with people, and most don't think its a big deal. Eww again. When you are laying in bed, and you can hear "Critters" scuttling inside your walls, it is a big deal. We have called an exterminator, and notified our landlord, set traps, and got some of those "mouse pellet" things. (The mice eat them and die... but not these mice. For all I know they could be tasty.) These mice, however, are like some super-hybrid mouse species, who have evolved in order to outsmart the human race. They dodge traps, don't eat the pellets, have created a small subway system within our walls and open the refrigerator to get a snack. Okay that last one was I made up. Have you ever seen Joe's Apartment? The 1990's MTV film about the cockroaches with personalities? Kind of like that but with mice. They are crazy, kamikaze steroid mice that will not die. One time I went home for the weekend, and my roommate killed two. She drowned one, and threw another out. She's kind of like the "mouse hunter".
So I have devised the following plan to purge these tiny mutant beasts from our apartment.
I have been volunteering at the animal shelter, and when I was there last night, I was trying to think of how I could comindere a cat for a weekend. Do you think they let you borrow them? Kind of like a library book. I would check out the biggest, hungriest looking cat with one eye, and take him home, and let him go to town on those things. My mom says mice can smell other animals, so maybe we could just let him hang out for awhile, rub him on all the cabinets and walls, and the mice would get the hint. At first I was thinking I could just steal one, but I think they probably prosecute for that. And my roommate is allergic, so that's out. So another plan I had, if the cat thing doesn't work out is to buy a gun. You know just like a little one. I just qualified on the 9mm, and I think I could obtain a liscense, but my only fear is that I would end up turning my walls into swiss cheese, or hurting someone. So basically that's a bad idea. Actually maybe this could work out to my advantage. I could be famous. Everyone knows the lady with the cats. I could be the mouse lady. I could have them swing from little tiny trapezes and bounce on mini trampolines through shower curtain rings set on fire. Eww again. See? I'm going crazy. This has to stop...