If I were Ohio's PR agent...

Being the resident Buckeye here in my office at the Pentagon, I frequently come under a lot of scrutiny about my state and a few of the WHACK jobs that live there. It seems that my co-workers love to send me lovely and insightful articles about the seemingly endless idiots in the news that reign from the great state of Ohio. And it's not just the people! I recently was forwarded a column that was written in TIME magazine featuring Ohio. It wasn't about some scientist that had cured some horrible disease. It was about bedbugs, and how the state is seemingly riddled with the sleepy little pests. Just today I saw an article about a pot-smuggling grandpa delivering drugs to his imprisoned grandson, and we all have heard of the serial killer recently detained in Ohio and extradited back to Michigan.

Who does your PR Ohio? Is there a spin doctor in the house? If I were Ohio's PR agent, and here I practically am, I would do a few things to get things back on track.

1. Highlight stories that don't make national headlines but really should like the increase in solar fields across the great state of Ohio. Who knew they were making such great strides in clean energy efforts?

2. The everyday heroes of Ohio making news, like the 65-year-old Vermilion, OH woman who scared off a would-be robber from a convenient store.

3. If these initiatives fail, I could just revert every bad news story back to The Ohio State Buckeyes, and the hopeful season that lies ahead of them. The art of distraction is never below me...

No matter what, I will continue to defend my home state and the people that live there. No matter how many stories I see about Ohioans being pulled over on their motorized bar stools or Ohio families who call police after being trapped in their home by squirrels, I will still stand tall and just be glad that I don't come from somewhere awful, like Michigan.